Funny Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas! May your gifts be great, your relatives be brief and your leftovers last longer than the family group chat debate.

I hope Santa is good to you this year. I put in a good word — mostly because I need you in a good mood when I ask for favours in January.

Merry Christmas! Remember, calories do not count in December. That is not science, but it is absolutely the rule we are living by.

May your Christmas be less 'assembling furniture at midnight' and more 'feet up, film on, snacks within reach'. You have earned it.

Merry Christmas from someone who was going to get you an amazing present, but then remembered you prefer the gift of my company. You are welcome.

Wishing you a Christmas as bright as your tree and twice as well put together. Mine is held up by hope and one suspicious branch.

Merry Christmas! May your wrapping be neat, your tape be findable and your scissors not vanish the moment you sit down.

Santa called — he says you have been 'mostly good', which honestly is the best review any of us can hope for. Merry Christmas!

May your holidays be filled with joy, love and relatives who know when the party is over. Merry Christmas, you magnificent human.

Merry Christmas! I would tell you what I got you, but the delivery driver and I are currently in a committed relationship built on suspense.

Here is to a Christmas where the gravy is smooth, the board games stay friendly and nobody brings up politics before dessert.

Merry Christmas! Eat the cake. Wear the pyjamas all day. Answer no emails. This is my official festive advice.